Would I?

They said that your actions justify who you are. "Who said?" they asked. "Them," I said.

Often I found myself wandering in the middle of the night, of my present life. Of who I am now, as shaped through the choices that I have made in my previous experience and occurances. Events that acts as a light house in my life, mapping my life into several different areas.

And often I wondered: "Will I still be me if I didnt do it?"

Will I still be who I am at this moment, writing this word on my laptop, listening to Kings of Convinience in the middle of the night, if I hadnt chose what I chosen before?

And if I shall be given a choice; a choice to repeat and redo, but most importantly change what I've chosen before, will I have the courage to take it?

Or, will I be willing to take it?

Words have came out. Things have been said, and done. Letters have been written. Choices have been made.

I dont know.

Nice First

What would you feel if one day your mom told you good things about something that belongs to you. And tomorrow told you that that thing that she told you was good before, was good now, and only now. And she said that before she didnt have the guts to tell you that it wasnt good, but now it's very good.

Shit man.

School Scam

Today I went to my new school to attend the parent-teacher meeting for the sole reason of taking my Smart Card and Parking Sticker to get in when school start. And despite the new building, they're all still the same: full of crap.

For 1 and half hour, they discussed nothing virtualy useful for any of us in that room. The raise of school fee. The new payment system. The oh-so-great HSC. The oh-so-awesome achievement of the former graduates from there. The 1 student who continually joined world olimpics for Biology. Everything good is lamented once and for all.

But never did they explained how their precious HSC happens to be unacceptable in Indonesian/European universities.

I guess the main reason of this parent-teacher meeting is to retain, and attract potential applicants to the school, which means : more income. Woohoo. Also it may act as a free marketing strategy, considering how moms in this country loves to gossip for as much as they can, boasting about the greatness of their children's schools, and hopefully one of the fooled mommy will enroll their kids into this school.

And not to speak of the new building. The new gymnasium is crap. It's very rough and... ugly. How in the hell must we work to cover it up so it'll at least be presentable for our prom night??

Drivers License From Hell

I took (finally) my drivers license's tests this morning. I was late for my 11 AM test as I arrived at 11:15 prior to jammed traffic. 15 fcking minutes. And I had to wait for 2 hours for the next test.

First I had the theory test. It was utter bulshit. My eyes spinned when I read the questions. They are, well, plain unimportant. I remembered 1 question asking: what quality must you posses to obtain your driver's license?

A. Ability and knowledge to drive without putting other's lives at stake.
B. Healthy body and mind to prevent any danger to others around you.
C. Both A and B.

Of course I answered C. It's a basic fact that you have to choose whatever that seems to be the best answer without even reading the whole sentence. Let alone making it the foundation of your driving life.

After that we were told to sit and wait. And wait. And wait. Tick tick tick. My vision was blurred, I was clearly starting to hallucinate. I saw animals, cartoon animals walking infront of me, smiling and wagging their tails and saying hello to me. Tick tick tick. Hey, that rabbit is stealing the elephant's food!

When I thought that I was covered in mould from too much sitting, I had the practice test. Driving a manual car. Shoot, I havent touched a manual car in a year! And eventhough I missed the gas as the brake, I passed. And after 6 hours in that god forsaken office, I acquired (finally) my drivers license.

And made a promise never again to return to that place.

Holiday Pig

When I reviewed what I did yesterday, everything became crystal clear: I have successfully became a pig during this holiday.

Woke up at 11. Ate a piece of blueberry cheesecake from the fridge. Watched TV with my sister. Went to the gym for a body balance class. Had my lunch. Drove back home. Watched Babel in my brother's laptop. Watched TV. Had my dinner at 9 PM. Watched TV. Receive phonecalls. Watched Music and Lyrics in my brother's laptop. Made a phonecall. Went out to the living room, watched HBO with my brothers. Took a slice of blueberry cheesecake from the fridge, accompanied with a glass of hot chocolate. Watched Hide and Seek in HBO. Went into the room, read A Hundred Years of Solitude. Went to bed at 2 in the morning.

Woke up this morning at 1 in the afternoon. Ate another slice of blueberry cheesecake. Watched TV, play internet.

See?

Postponed- Drivers License

My dad has been lecturing me about how I shouldnt procastinate on taking my drivers license's exam. I have officially postponing it for 3 months now, and he thought I must take it this holiday, full stop. Actually, Im all set for it yesterday. But something unexpected took place, I overslept. Woke up at 12 noon, while my test's organized on 11 AM.

Yet again, I dont know what makes me so damn lazy to take it anyway. Except to the fact that I've been driving here and there without license for more than a year and never once got caught. Perhaps my body system has adapted to the fact that driving licenseless is OK?

Or maybe, it's because the thought of going to the slimy gross how and humid test center in your formal suit (jeans and a hemmed shirt with shoes), and meeting up with corrupted officer who doesnt give a shit about how well you can drive but how much 'cigarette money' you're giving me afterward just delayed my will to go there and have a shot.

Either way, I have assigned another test for this Tuesday. Hopefully this will go fine :)

Witchy Photoshoot

For our yearbook, we grade 12s are being photographed by a hired photographer last month. And just 2 weeks before, I finally saw the result (all design comitee get to see it first :p), and my picture sucks. I looked retard.

After begging and bargaining later, the head of the yearbook comittee agreed to allow me reshoot my profile picture. I organized everything for this morning. Called the museum manager (where we had our first photoshoot), asked my design teacher to shoot my pictures, and other petty little details.

At first everything went smooth. Click click click. I thought to get more picture this time so I'l have more choice later on. An hour later, I decided to switch my dress. Thought it would be nice to compare both dresses later on. Im not risking anything, not a flaw anymore, after all that trouble going there.

All of the sudden, right after I came back from the bathroom to change, this lady, the museum manager, started to scream at me, telling me that I had lied to her regarding the purpose of my photoshoot. She wont believe that Im using the pictures only and only for my yearbook profile, and accused me of lying to her to take pictures there for my portfolio or something commercial.

In her own words: "I know exactly what kind of pictures that students need. They dont take an hour to complete, they dont change poses, and they dont change dresses! You're lying to me, you're not even a student!"

I tried to defend myself politely, saying over and over again that I am not a fcking model and I am by any means not using these pictures for my fcking imaginary portfolio or for any other commercial use. And I am definitely not lying to her. Plus I am a student. Unfortunately.

Then she asked for my student ID. I gave it to her, and she took it to the other room, perhaps taking notes of my class, student number and fullname to be framed infront of the door as a souvenir. When she got back, she started telling me this story (loudly) about a girl who lied to her before, saying that she was a student and secretly took pictures in her bikini.

At this moment I was thinking silently, what the hell?

Again she accused me of being a liar and screamed of how I should've been honest and open to her in the first time. Then I lost my temper. I raised my voice, told her that I swear I am not fcking lying to her for christ sake. Then every word that came out from my mouth were tackled viciously by her, saying that I shouldnt lie again.

Then she said that we shouldnt have this debate as it is useless. She looked at me in disgust. I stared back at her. "Just finish whatever you're doing, take any picture and go". She stomped out and left. I yelled back, "Whatever, I am not lying to you (almost cursed her of a word that I shouldnt said. fortunately I held it back) !"

I was left with rage. No longer in the mood for taking any picture, I went back to the bathroom and changed. Washed my face and wore my Starbucks Tshirt and boxer back, then tried as hard as I could to look gallant and triumphant. Im not letting her have the pride of succeeding in 'kicking me out'.

On my way out, I swore under my breath not to step my foot in that ugly museum ever again. Let alone seeing that witch.