The Tale of Two Feet

I have two feet. And since I moved to Holland, they're the ones who seems to suffer the hardest. I came to this country with a perfectly good pair of feet. It was smooth and adequate. Notice the past tense.

2 weeks, and it is now deformed.

At first, it was my brand new super cute leather Converse shoes. It bleeds my feet's back side. Both. Then I started to step on the back side, and everyone started to tease me. A group leader's friend during my orientation actually commented, "Hey I dont knw where you come from, but here in Holland we dont wear our shoes like that."

I looked at him and laughed. Then showed him my bleeding back feet and he started to smile. "Oh that explains a lot."

Apparently, besides the teasing, stepping on your shoes also has another negative effect: your feet's back sides start to hurt really bad.

So the next day, I opted for sandals instead. Bad decision. Especially because my sandals arent really orthopedic or anything. It hurts with every step I took. And the back straps started to cut deep into my existing scar from the shoes.

Then I decided to wear my sister's Birkenstock. It was great at first! But it didnt last. I dont know whether it was the fact that it was 2 sizes too big, or because the air is cold and dry, but the straps next to your toes started to cut deep into my flesh.

My toe's skin actually went off. Well, partially at least. I can actually see the red flesh. Holey shit trust me when I say it hurts. Both toes.

Thank god I bought this pair of Nike shoes yesterday. As I put it on this morning and went shopping for some room-ey stuff, I actually forgot about my deranged scarred feet. I forgot how it feels to be walking without having to cringe in pain from every step.

It felt really good.

But after 2 hours of walking, it started to whine again. Christ.

So here I am now. Resting my feet. And crossing my fingers, voodooing, wishing that they will be as good as new on Monday when school starts :(

First Days in Holland...

...is great! I love living here already. Sure, the compulsory chores (which is basically everything) can be mundane sometimes. But I kinda like it in a weird way. I'm beginning to gain more and more understanding about the crucial things such as shopping, public transportation and how to cook rice plus turning on the vacuum cleaner.

I'm currently living in my sister's room while she's still in Indonesia. Saw my future housemate and my new room yesterday. I love it so, cant wait to move there. The neighborhood's awesome. So very homey and different :)

Tomorrow's orientation. I'm both anxious and excited all at once. Let's hope for the best shall we :)

Havent called home yet. Dont know how to :( yes I am very much technologically challenged. Altho Dad did called once or twice yesterday. I miss Indonesia's milk. The milk here tastes like butter (the volle melk, gonna try half volle melk tomorrow). Plus the cereal sucks. I miss my loyal Koko Krunch. I miss my maids. I miss having mom and pop on the floor below.

I miss hanging out in my sister's room playing cards and losing money from the lost bets.

My brother and sister suck. But I miss not having them around to bully and be bullied.

I hope all is good with you people at home.

Days to Departure

Just spent my last weekend home. I still cant believe that I'm leaving on Thursday. I've spent the last 6 months pestering. The idea of me leaving seemed a lifetime away. Even now, 4 days before I embark on that plane, everything feels surreal.

My To-Do-Post-It-s on the bathroom door is falling down one by one as the days went by. Now there are only 4 left. Last night after I pulled down one, I stared blankly at them. Scribbles stared back at me. Each word led my eyes to the last Post-It, labeled Thursday, Aug 14th.

I inhaled deeply, exhaled. I dont know what to say. I dont know what should I say.

Happy? Not as happy as I would picture me to be.

Excited? Some of the time.

Anxious? More often.

Sad?

Sad.

Yes, sad.

Leaving my family and home turned out to be harder than I thought. The thought that I wont be here next Sunday crushes me. The mundane petty responsibilities passed down by my mom that I once dreaded now becomes something I live by everyday. The thought that she would have to carry these responsibilities when I'm gone crushes me. As if she has spare time already.

The keys shes gonna have to keep. The records. Now she even will have to learn how to open her safe deposit box.

My parents are the busy type. Theyre mostly out during the day. But I always respect the fact that they always try to be home on weekends to take us out.

After my older sisters and brother left for their respective studies abroad, it had been only the 4 of us in this house for quite some time. Now with me gone, the image of my little brother watching TV alone in the darkness everyday squeezes my stomach. Growing up, maybe he's the toughest of us all, he's been familiar with his siblings here today and gone tomorrow from time to time.

I'm gonna miss you, brother.

--



There are things in this life that we may not be that eager to do, but must in order to grow up.

This is one of them.

And on Thursday 4 days from today, I'll be doing just that.