Little people

There's a reason why I love weekends: freedom. Complete freedom of knowing you don't have a class to attend to the next morning, or meetings, or other obligations. There's this freedom attatched to how you manage your weekend, since there is nothing you have to do. It's what you want to do. It's lovely, flirtatiously lovely. I always decided to party on Friday night, me-time on Saturday and museum visits on Sundays.

The last 2 are new to this year. Last year, it was more like party Friday night, party Saturday night, drinks Sunday night.

I made a resolution this Summer: this year I am only going to do what I want to do, no more feeling of should be doing something just because. Uhuh, its less partying more other fun fun activities :) I just find it easier to know who Denica is when you dont have to shout to talk to me. My Cultural Sundays started when me and my friend painted my room on a Sunday. We were so tired we decided to go to a cultural fair to refresh our minds, and it has become a habit ever since. We're going to a fashion art museum this afternoon :)

But perhaps most of all I look forward for my Saturdays. It's exhilirating yet relaxing at the same time to be spending some time with just yourself. In the morning I go to the markt to purchase some verse fruit and vegetables. Generally I do nothing else productive. Strangely at these times my head is filled with questions: what do you want to do? What do you want to do later? What do you want to do with this precious time that you have on the palms of your hands?.

On Saturday nights, I make myself an incredible dinner to celebrate the passing of time in this glorious day. I love this newly found quality time with myself. I would then watch a movie, or spend the night in the company of a good book. It's strange how I no longer feel the fear of being alone, the fear of loneliness that haunted me dreadfully.

So yesterday I watched this movie: Synecdoche NY, and fell in love directly. It's a pretty slow movie, but at the end it really gets me thinking. That we are little people in a sea full of other little people who may or may not realize our bare existence. That we may feel like we're the only lead in the act of our lives, but truth be told there is no extra in this huge playground for a play. Everyone is a lead, a little lead in their little play.

The realization of how little we are makes me realize how scared we feel to be forgotten. When the ones who love us forget, when they no longer love us, when they die. These little invisible strings connecting us all, the idea that there is no strangers but just little players colliding each and everyday.

Life is precious, every day is irreplaceable, every moment is unique.

Why don't we all smile now?

:)