Old letters

I stumbled upon a folder of mine yesterday, a folder filled with cards, notes and letters I received since I've lived here in the NL. I had some time to kill while waiting for my hair to dry, so I took the folder with me and sat next to my bedroom window. I began reading them. One by one. I've always loved letters, I am indeed a girl of words, and reading them makes me remember. I was filled with affection, love, sorrow, all the emotions formed by the words. The words opened a door, they guided me through reminiscents. Slowly but surely I was filled with a feeling of nostalgic. These people used to be the people whom I cannot spend a day not talking to. Now days pass unknowingly, without so much of an exchange of news.

It's not that we stopped becoming friends, we just got caught up in our lives. C'est la vie, Claudia said. Nonetheless I felt heartbroken for no apparent reason, I felt as if I've lost them in the process of becoming who I am today. Abandoned them. Exchanged them.

A friend told me later that it's only natural. People change, you change, and the people you are close to today are those who suits the person that you are today. People grow. Relationships fade. But is that always the rule, I asked myself. I hope not. So I sent them each an email, telling them thank you for being a part of my life. Because thanks to them I am who I am today, and I will never forget that. I will always be here.

This simple, yet beautifully mesmerizing poem made me realize that:

E de novo acredito que nada do que é importante se perde verdadeiramente. Apenas nos iludimos, julgando ser donos das coisas, dos instantes e dos outros.
Comigo caminham todos os mortos que amei, todos os amigos que se afastaram, todos os dias felizes que se apagaram.... Nao perdi nada, apenas a ilusão de que tudo podia ser meu para sempre.

De Miguel Sousa Tavares

And again I believe that nothing that is important can be really lost. Despite that we delude ourselves, that we are the owners of things, of moments and of others.
With me live all the deads that I have loved, all the friends that turned away, all the beautiful days that faded... I did not lose anything, just the illusion that everything could be mine forever.

From Miguel Sosusa Tavares


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I went to this little record store last weekend to find vinyl albums for my sister. I was skeptical at first, but when I was there, sorting and browsing through these cases of old records, I felt at home. It feels like being in a bookstore for me, quietly pondering through the shelves as if time sat still. My little bubble.

To my utter delight, I found this record of Coltrane and Davis:



It's absolute heaven.

Thank you.