I have been reading through applications for the selection of the new HC year throughout my weekend. Only slightly more than 2 years ago was I in their position, applying for a nerdclub, a decision that I have never regretted even once. It always mesmerizes me how one finds oneself on the other end, to be able to see things not from that side but from here. It made you think on another level that you were not used to, pushing you to consciously think about the other side.

Reading through their applications admittedly interested me. Some of their resumés and motivations really do impressed me, while some failed to do the same. As I sit here sipping my tea, I began to wonder about my own application. What did I write? What did they think of it? Am I living up to it, did the words stayed fluffy yet empty? I began to think of where I was, where I am.

I was so naïve.

Lately I have been thinking alot of what is coming ahead, the choices that stands, ready to be made. Time seemed so short. The implications of the options, the steps and outcomes baffled me. The diversity overwhelming. I guess I forgot to think back to that girl 2 years ago who wrote her application, a little step that she did not realize would bring her here. She forgot to realize how far she's gone since.

I know that the choices I will soon have to make will not set my life in concrete, but I acknowledge the direction it will lead to an extent. Which direction would I like it to be? I tried finding my application, curious of what I wrote back then. Hoping to cheat from past-her to help future-her. I couldn't find it.

Will I know?

One would desire making something out of one's life - what that something is another matter altogether.