I believe it is human nature to search for answers. To justify an event, clarify an issue, decode things we are oblivious of. To know, understand, learn, realize, acknowledge. An aversion towards the unknown, enhancing the information available in order to minimize information assymetry. See, I believe most of us are risk averse. We do not typically find pleasure in uncertainty. We would rather pay a premium of information search to enhance that certainty. That blissful, certain certainty.
But to what point is this beneficial? When does analyzing a piece of information becomes over-analyzing it? Do we know where the line is?
I, by all means, think too much. This is a fact that I acknowledge, but not necessarily classify as a benefit or an expense. I search for answers, relationships, deeper meanings and often found infinite possibilities. Possibilities that sometimes only exist in my mind. Meanings that cease to exist without my compulsive disorder.
Having said that, I tried, am trying to think less. It may not be easy, the road towards old habits is slippery. And on numerous occasions I fall back into my fallibilities, sometimes regretfully and most of the times unconsciously.
I thought, perhaps some things are just what it is, you know. It's flat, one-layered beauty that is unique to the moment. It's like you going running to the park, and you see beautiful flower garden. All the colors, all the harmony, all the genuses and species, all the imperfections. That is perfect to that precise moment, and what a shame it would be to peel them to see what lies beneath them.
Most of the times I am wrong, all the time I am trying to be happy. You make mistakes, you say the worst things, but all the time you are trying to be true to yourself.
But at what point does staying true to yourself equals selfishness? When should you stop and think of what you did, what you said, what could you have done better?
Sometimes I think human relationship is like a noncooperative game. You have all 5 ingridients: players, payoffs, actions, information structure and rules/sequence. Most certainly, it is a noncooperative game where information assymetry prevails, when emotions take charge, when human fallibilities is on the center stage. When subjectivity evokes conflict, when you stray even further from that equilibrium, that state of happiness, contentment and peacefulness.
When you always lose, why do you even bother to play the game? Why do you bother to have the slightest consideration of starting the game in the first place?
Is it because you cant help it? Is it love of the game? Is it love at the thought of someday winning the game? Is it the thrill of losing, and learning something for the next game? Is it falling down flat on your face, and having the courage to stand up and bravely move forward? Is it plain stupidity? Ignorance? Inability to pursue a better outcome?
Sometimes I ponder at a list of questions, an infinity of answers, and never knowing when have I crossed the line. How nice it would be to know better.
Sometimes I just take a day off, take a really cold shower and start laughing from the extreme cold and the risk of hypothermia.
0 comments:
Post a Comment