Days to Departure

Just spent my last weekend home. I still cant believe that I'm leaving on Thursday. I've spent the last 6 months pestering. The idea of me leaving seemed a lifetime away. Even now, 4 days before I embark on that plane, everything feels surreal.

My To-Do-Post-It-s on the bathroom door is falling down one by one as the days went by. Now there are only 4 left. Last night after I pulled down one, I stared blankly at them. Scribbles stared back at me. Each word led my eyes to the last Post-It, labeled Thursday, Aug 14th.

I inhaled deeply, exhaled. I dont know what to say. I dont know what should I say.

Happy? Not as happy as I would picture me to be.

Excited? Some of the time.

Anxious? More often.

Sad?

Sad.

Yes, sad.

Leaving my family and home turned out to be harder than I thought. The thought that I wont be here next Sunday crushes me. The mundane petty responsibilities passed down by my mom that I once dreaded now becomes something I live by everyday. The thought that she would have to carry these responsibilities when I'm gone crushes me. As if she has spare time already.

The keys shes gonna have to keep. The records. Now she even will have to learn how to open her safe deposit box.

My parents are the busy type. Theyre mostly out during the day. But I always respect the fact that they always try to be home on weekends to take us out.

After my older sisters and brother left for their respective studies abroad, it had been only the 4 of us in this house for quite some time. Now with me gone, the image of my little brother watching TV alone in the darkness everyday squeezes my stomach. Growing up, maybe he's the toughest of us all, he's been familiar with his siblings here today and gone tomorrow from time to time.

I'm gonna miss you, brother.

--



There are things in this life that we may not be that eager to do, but must in order to grow up.

This is one of them.

And on Thursday 4 days from today, I'll be doing just that.